Recently, we received our 1500th submission to the Great Hoover Hunt project, which aims to catalog all of the handwritten notes from longtime Federal Bureau of Investigation Director J. Edgar Hoover in the Bureau’s files. To commemorate the occasion, we put together a collection of some of Hoover’s choicest bureaucratic broadsides, ready to be copy-pasted into your office’s Slack debate over who forgot to pick up more toner.
When someone actually managed to “Reply All”
“It is gratifying to see that [INSERT NAME HERE] did this.”
When someone absolutely nails a presentation they clearly put together last-minute
“Just the old Slugger at his best.”
When your developer keeps adding custom emoji instead of resolving tickets
“No increase should ever be recommended unless warranted by satisfactory work.” 
When someone sets Spotify to Taylor Swift radio despite your explicit prohibition against it
“There must be no further disregard of my orders.”
When you’re accused of signing your coworkers up for fundraiser emails
“I have never participated in any political activity.”
When you’re asked to provide data to back up a proposal
“I fear it is becoming too ‘scientific’.”
When you finally get the minor CMS tweak you asked for
“I want to know why it has taken so long.”
When someone on your team should really run for governor
“Better run for governor.”
When something funny gets posted to a private thread instead of #Random and everyone else is laughing at it
“I was never advised of above.”
When it turns out they’re all laughing at you
“They are just jackals.”
Thanks to everyone who has participated in the project so far, especially Martha Boyd and Paul Galante, who provided the bulk of the submissions. There are still plenty more notes to go through, so if you’d like to help, click on the link below.
Image via FBI.gov
