News that over a million people are planning on breaking into the infamous government facility known as Area 51 would doubtlessly come as a surprise to those who were actually stationed there, many of whom were all too eager to leave.

In 2005, the FBI launched an investigation into the “Church of the Hammer,” a fundamentalist Christian sect which called for the wholesale slaughter of practitioners of the goth subculture. Two years later, the investigation was closed, on grounds that the Church didn’t exist.