After an InfoWars segment claimed that the National Aeronautics and Space Administration was running a colony of child slaves on Mars, internal emails show NASA begrudgingly setting the record straight: for starters, the colony’s on Europa.

In 1984, the Central Intelligence Agency sent a psychic back in time to talk to Martians. This is not code language. The CIA sent psychics back in time to talk to Martians because the CIA had time-traveling spacefaring psychics. Nothing else we could say would make more sense given what the CIA had and did.